Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
