trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
