He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
