every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
