There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
