You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
