You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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