i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
