I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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