Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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