She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
