Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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