New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
