Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
