Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
