i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
