dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
