i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
