so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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