I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize