Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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