I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
