What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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