i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
