my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
