I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I AM VODKA MAN
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
