He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
