You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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