just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
