I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
