He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
