She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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