I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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