my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
