i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
