i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So apparently I’m into choking now
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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