yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
