Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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