OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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