chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
