I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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