you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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