I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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