Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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