Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
