Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just googled if crying burns calories
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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