you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
