i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
