I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
