They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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