This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
