thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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