I think i peed on brittanys purse
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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