Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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