Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
