I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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