new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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