My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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