i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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