Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
