Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
