anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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