Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
