Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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