That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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