I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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