Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
