the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
