it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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