eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
