In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
