tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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