Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
